In 2022, my life changed. Nothing overtly traumatic took place, but my comfortable, predictable life grew increasingly uncomfortable and unpredictable. Despite having a stable marriage and career, I felt disconnected and alone. I found myself battling suffocating depression, constantly activated with anxieties, and tormented by unrelenting suicidal ideation.
I had already been in therapy for a year. I meditated every day. Studied all of the popular psychology and enlightenment books. I had even returned to college with the hopes of one day becoming a mental health counselor.
I became aware of a clinic in Europe where they offered assistance with ending one’s life. After researching the costs, I discovered that I had just enough money in my savings account to cover a one way ticket and their services. The caveat — they required extensive screening to ensure you’ve exhausted all other treatments. To be fair, my situation never would have passed the clinic’s clearance.
And I hadn’t tried everything. I hadn’t tried… ayahuasca.
I made plans to attend a ceremony in California, but the dates kept changing and I just gave up. My close friend suggested I wait until I could drink the medicine for the first time in her home, the Peruvian rainforest. I argued that I had never been out of the country, didn’t even have a passport, I had no one to go with, I couldn’t get that much time off of work… I had an excuse for everything.
But when you feel that pull towards ayahuasca, things have a way of falling into place. Even when they appear to be falling apart.
Within a few months, my life looked entirely different. I had quit my job, separated (very amicably) from my husband, gotten a passport, and boarded a plane to Peru.
Arriving in the jungle, I was surprised that an environment so foreign to me could immediately feel like home. My nervous system became regulated for the first time in my life. Sleep transformed into nightly restoration. I grew aware of how little I needed to be genuinely content.
And I never wanted to leave.
I now live fulltime at the retreat, preparing guests for their Ayahuasca experiences and guiding them through integrating what they discovered once they return home. Every day, I have the honor of learning about the power of ancient medicinal plants and connecting with the wisdom of Ayahuasca.
I am passionate about sharing the jungle's secrets with anyone who is curious.
If that is you, reach out. Let's begin preparing your journey together.
